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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to find out that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered through the school as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|